Adoption and "being lucky"

There are many things that people say, though well intentioned, that don't sit well with adoptive parents. #1 among them is "he/she is so lucky" I never realized it was offensive until people started saying it to me. Now I understand why. First, it speaks to that whole idea that adoption saves a life. I think many of us agree that the life being saved is our own. We are not adopting to save a child's life, but for the same reason that others are giving birth, to have a child, so when people say he is so lucky, it just doesn't feel right. It feels like people are forgetting that we are having a child--congratulations seems like the most fitting response to someone who is going to have a child.



The second reason it doesn't feel right is that there are actually more prospective adoptive parents than there are available babies for adoption. During the long, torturous wait, you constantly worry that you will never have a child. So much can happen--countries close down for adoption, restrictions become greater, hurdles become higher. Believe me when I say, when you finally get the call, you feel like the luckiest person on earth to finally have a child!! It is the parent who is the lucky one--whether the child is given to them through birth or adoption--to have their child--not the other way around!



Since no one ever says that to a parent about to give birth, when people say that to an adoptive parent, we don't like that a distinction is being made b/c we are not. We are just simply overjoyed to be having a child and don't care how that gift is given. As one adoptive parent once told me, WE are truly the lucky ones to get experience having a child in this special way.